Spiderman, Spiderman, FINALLY does whatever a spider can...

For those of you familiar with the way things work around here, you will likely be well accustomed to the seemingly unconnected random shenanigans that occur on a weekly basis.  For example I spent about 4 hours knocking out a new banner and spectacularly failed to actually write this week’s blog. Pretty chuffed with it though in fairness (I’m clearly in the wrong job). 

With that in mind, two things occurred to me this week while at the cinema. Firstly, the Showcase Directors Lounge is something I’d never partaken in, but am probably going to go back to more often than not. Huge seats, table service, complimentary popcorn and a soft drink; very reasonable. I think the biggest plus was not having to work out whose turn it is to have the shared armrest, not having to worry about having the plot commentated from start to finish by the dickhead sat next to you who obviously hasn’t got a clue, but is desperately trying to impress his date for the evening when all she wants is to watch a movie, chow down on some popcorn and hope she’s not being stitched up by a reality TV show. So yeah, heartily recommend the ever-so-slight extra expense.

The other thing that genuinely does my head in is allocated seating, Up until earlier this year, Showcase didn’t do it but has apparently signed some sort of pact with Satan so we now have to choose our seats at purchasing stage. Now, I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason for it, in terms of customer management or something but I can for the life of me think what it is. What it leads to is the same problem you get with reserved seats on a train; there’s always one idiot who either can’t read or choose not to. I spend a fairly massive proportion of my week on trains for work and on at least occasion I’ve genuinely had the only reserved seat on an entire carriage and I get on board to find someone sat in my spot. You get the same BS with reserved seating; someone sits in the wrong spot and because we’re too polite a society nobody says anything, so they sit in the wrong spot and you get this big, dumb adult version of musical chairs to the tune of Pearl and Dean. Pu-pah pu-pah, pu-pah, pu-pah, pah, pah, pah indeed. In fairness, the problem is really people rather than ticketing systems but still.

So as alluded to earlier, our non-linear segue of the week: Spiderman: Homecoming.

There’s been reams written over the last 15 years about Spiderman movies. It’s the one character no-one seems to have been able to get right. I’m not entirely sure what it is; maybe the film-makers, being well out of their teenage years, struggle to identify with a snarky, nerdy teenager. Truth is of the 6 Spiderman movies we’ve had so far, “mixed bag” doesn’t really cover it.

I am a Sam Raimi fan, Evil Dead has been one of my favourite movies since I was old enough to watch and appreciate it. His take on Spiderman was not a bad first attempt, but it spiralled out of control pretty badly by the time the third movie came out. Emo Peter Parker in a drunken dance off is really the wheels coming off the bus ion a big way, let’s face it. Tobey Maguire’s face also seems to get exponentially more annoying the longer you’re exposed to it so the whole thing was an exercise in slow decay. Moreover, when the director himself politely tells the world he doesn’t even like the main bad guy and only used him because of the obvious pressure from the fan base, that doesn’t really instil much confidence; consequently Venom was probably the biggest bag of shit villain we’ve seen in the Marvel Cinematic Universe (Sony licenced or otherwise). He’s the Marvel equivalent of Jared Leto’s Joker; poorly conceived, poorly executed and oh God make it stop. Venom’s meant to be this big old nasty piece of work and they got Topher Grace to play him? He’s barely less annoying than Tobey Maguire. Look, what’s done is done, let’s all just try and move on with our lives.

I don’t know if they deliberately punned out getting Marc Webb to direct the Amazing Spiderman reboots, but it wasn’t the worst choice ever and I feel like those movies were underrated a bit. The design and effects work on the Lizard was god awful in the first movie and it didn’t get a whole heap better on the Green Goblin and Electro in the second. Seems like in that part of the universe, bad guys just have extreme skin conditions. Acne flare up ruining your day? Why not become a murdering psychopath on a hi-tech flying surfboard? Clearasil obviously taking the day off on that one. You had one job Clearasil. One Job.

Andrew Garfield was a much better Peter Parker, but still suffered from 90210 syndrome where everyone in high school with actual lines to deliver probably graduated a decade ago and somebody ought to really being informing the school’s management about possible safeguarding issues. Overall though we get yet another origins story, because you have to reach the one percent of the population likely to be interested in seeing a Spiderman movie and remind them about radioactive spiders etc. The problem is that Sony, like DC and like Fox as well to an extent, hadn’t worked out that the best way to get people to watch a superhero movie is not to make a superhero movie.

Enter Spiderman: Homecoming. The first proper collaboration between Marvel Studios and Sony outside of Spidey’s Avengers cameo and to be frank, they’ve just about nailed it; they’ve nailed it by effectively making a John Hughes Movie with superheroes in it Peter Parker’s Pretty Day Off From Breakfast Club if you will. In fact, had he not passed away in 2009 I think there’s a pretty decent chance they’d have asked Hughes to helm it. Tom Holland is excellent, the supporting cast all look and act like teenagers rather than oddly infantilised 30 year olds and more importantly they’ve forgone the whole origin thing and been subtle and clever about things. Ok, all things considered, this is not Citizen Kane, but who the hell wants that. I’ll happily admit to spending the entire run time thoroughly amused; Suit Lady Karen awkwardly guiding Spiderman through a daring rescue as well as simultaneously handing out dating advice to an adolescent is priceless. Hats off to Michael Keaton though, who all but steals the show with some genuine menace as the Vulture. As good a Batman as he was, he’s basically the best comic book villain out there.

It just goes to show how right Marvel are getting things, in the cinemas at least. The jury is still out on the direction of the Defenders TV shows (apparently Iron Fist was awful) and the Inhumans trailer met with so much derision you’d be forgiven for thinking Paul Feig directed it. All things considered though, if current form continues, Infinity War is going to be a big bag of awesome.