Everybody wants a cinematic universe nowadays. It's simply not enough to write compelling standalone movies which tell a story from start to finish and leave with with the sense of satisfaction you don't get when you have to wait for 18 months for the next installment to come out, during which time one of your leads might drive off a cliff, have their legs removed by savage badgers in a bizarre hiking accident in the Shropshire countryside or more likely now get outed as a deviant sexual predator that working with would be more than simply morally distasteful, it would be career suicide. Not to mention the terrifying prospect that your beloved little pet project fails to make enough money and you're left scrambling around trying to explain to the bean counters that the $7,000,000 you spent on a gold plated catering truck for your marquis star's Labradoodle was justified. It was probably not. Yet despite the obvious risks, the tendency towards franchises and universes is starting to look irreversible. Marvel have done it best I reckon, but the floodgates have opened so that now DC (obviously), Transformers, Star Wars and even Godzilla/King Kong are now pushing for cinematic universes, crossovers and spin offs.
The latest foray into the world of extended universes nobody asked for but we're getting anyway is a double whammy, wantonly rebooting characters we were fairly sure we didn't need rebooting either. Universal have decided that we need to see all their classic monsters reborn in the modern era in what they ill-advisedly decided to call their Dark Universe, drawing the threat of legal action from DC who have a comic arc of the same name. I'm not sure how that one has turned out seeing as the flagship movie designed to kick-start the whole proceedings tanked to the extent that the project seems to have been roundly deep-sixed.
The Mummy, then. Dragged out of the sarcophagus one more time for some undead shenanigans, but this time the Mummy is a lady and Tom Cruise gets to run variously after or away from her over some of the more scenic parts of London and the geographically questionable rural areas nearby. Also those well know Egyptian/Knight Templar burial sites hidden in the sewers.
The whole thing is another one of those "exercise in stupidity" movies that seem to expect us to completely disregard logical, rational thought and known human behaviour in order to further the plot that would otherwise be over in twenty minutes. I'm fairly certain that even I might think twice about shooting at a complex series of ancient pulleys if I'd just been warned it was a prison for an ancient spirit. Of course if I were an expert in ancient artifacts with military training I'd probably just blast everything in sight and hope the ensuing ricochets didn't hit anything too organic, soft and vital. Particularly if those organic, soft and vital parts were attached to me. It's a bit of a shame Tom Cruise's sidekick bites it fairly early on because he's about the best thing in it and I still can't remember his name. Actually, come to think of it I can't remember any of their names which is actually a pretty decent demonstration of the banality we have to deal with here.
So, long story short The Mummy breaks out by crashing the cargo plane she's being transported on and luckily for the cinema-going public she chooses our plucky Scientological hero to be the new earthly vessel for Anubis, I think. Some half-arsed approximation of an ancient Egyptian deity at least. Cue weird visions, ghostly apparitions of his dead best mate (at least he got a bit more screen time bless him) and a bunch of dusty old zombies shuffling around looking for a macguffin. Boy do those macguffins get everywhere.
Disappointingly bland would probably be classed as a grotesque understatement if you could even be bothered to call it that. The whole and singular purpose of this movie is to set up the Dark Universe to the point where they kind of forgot it had to be interesting, exciting or palatable in its own right. The absolutely baffling thing is that considering its raison d'etre is solely to make you want more movies in the franchise, that's the thing it does least well. We're introduced to Dr Jekyll who is apparently head of some sort of monster hunting agency (think the BPRD from Hellboy except not even remotely as cool) who happily doses himself up with Industry Standard Green Serum to prevent his disastrous alter ego running around and tearing everybody's faces off to use as serviettes. Those of you familiar with the concept of foreshadowing will understand the ever so slight shiver of excitement that crept in at the prospect of a big old punch up between him and The Mummy, or even the twist of them working together; either would have been a delight compared to the neutered shenanigans offered up during the inevitable unleashing of Mr Hyde. If you're expecting to be dazzled by some sort of Hulk-esque monster be prepared to be utterly disappointed as Russel Crowell gets... slightly taller. He also starts to put on a half decent cockney accent, because that's where all hard men in England come from. Ye Gods.
Of course there's all sorts of Tom Cruisery, a fairly standard cliché at the end where he has to choose to save the girl or himself proving that even though they made the villain a woman, they still had no actual grasp of how to write strong female characters. The awesome power of Tom Cruise's pure heart and oddly arranged teeth mean that when he gets all shanked up by the gnarly dagger everyone's been scurrying around after, he's able to become a good, friendly God of Death and subsequently revives the girl, his best buddy and the chances of a sequel; or at least so they thought.
Recent reports seem to suggest the Dark Universe is dead in the water and no matter how almighty Tom Cruise's reptile alien ghost soul is, it isn't likely to be resurrected any time soon. Honestly, they had carte blanche to do some really cool stuff with The Mummy but just dropped the ball in about as spectacular fashion as they could. Thankfully we'll always have Brendan Fraser, which may be the only time anyone's ever committed that sentence to print.
The Mummy, then. Dragged out of the sarcophagus one more time for some undead shenanigans, but this time the Mummy is a lady and Tom Cruise gets to run variously after or away from her over some of the more scenic parts of London and the geographically questionable rural areas nearby. Also those well know Egyptian/Knight Templar burial sites hidden in the sewers.
The whole thing is another one of those "exercise in stupidity" movies that seem to expect us to completely disregard logical, rational thought and known human behaviour in order to further the plot that would otherwise be over in twenty minutes. I'm fairly certain that even I might think twice about shooting at a complex series of ancient pulleys if I'd just been warned it was a prison for an ancient spirit. Of course if I were an expert in ancient artifacts with military training I'd probably just blast everything in sight and hope the ensuing ricochets didn't hit anything too organic, soft and vital. Particularly if those organic, soft and vital parts were attached to me. It's a bit of a shame Tom Cruise's sidekick bites it fairly early on because he's about the best thing in it and I still can't remember his name. Actually, come to think of it I can't remember any of their names which is actually a pretty decent demonstration of the banality we have to deal with here.
So, long story short The Mummy breaks out by crashing the cargo plane she's being transported on and luckily for the cinema-going public she chooses our plucky Scientological hero to be the new earthly vessel for Anubis, I think. Some half-arsed approximation of an ancient Egyptian deity at least. Cue weird visions, ghostly apparitions of his dead best mate (at least he got a bit more screen time bless him) and a bunch of dusty old zombies shuffling around looking for a macguffin. Boy do those macguffins get everywhere.
Disappointingly bland would probably be classed as a grotesque understatement if you could even be bothered to call it that. The whole and singular purpose of this movie is to set up the Dark Universe to the point where they kind of forgot it had to be interesting, exciting or palatable in its own right. The absolutely baffling thing is that considering its raison d'etre is solely to make you want more movies in the franchise, that's the thing it does least well. We're introduced to Dr Jekyll who is apparently head of some sort of monster hunting agency (think the BPRD from Hellboy except not even remotely as cool) who happily doses himself up with Industry Standard Green Serum to prevent his disastrous alter ego running around and tearing everybody's faces off to use as serviettes. Those of you familiar with the concept of foreshadowing will understand the ever so slight shiver of excitement that crept in at the prospect of a big old punch up between him and The Mummy, or even the twist of them working together; either would have been a delight compared to the neutered shenanigans offered up during the inevitable unleashing of Mr Hyde. If you're expecting to be dazzled by some sort of Hulk-esque monster be prepared to be utterly disappointed as Russel Crowell gets... slightly taller. He also starts to put on a half decent cockney accent, because that's where all hard men in England come from. Ye Gods.
Of course there's all sorts of Tom Cruisery, a fairly standard cliché at the end where he has to choose to save the girl or himself proving that even though they made the villain a woman, they still had no actual grasp of how to write strong female characters. The awesome power of Tom Cruise's pure heart and oddly arranged teeth mean that when he gets all shanked up by the gnarly dagger everyone's been scurrying around after, he's able to become a good, friendly God of Death and subsequently revives the girl, his best buddy and the chances of a sequel; or at least so they thought.
Recent reports seem to suggest the Dark Universe is dead in the water and no matter how almighty Tom Cruise's reptile alien ghost soul is, it isn't likely to be resurrected any time soon. Honestly, they had carte blanche to do some really cool stuff with The Mummy but just dropped the ball in about as spectacular fashion as they could. Thankfully we'll always have Brendan Fraser, which may be the only time anyone's ever committed that sentence to print.
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