Welcome (back) to the Jungle

I can’t say I’m a fan of the WWE; in fact I’d go as far as to say the opposite. This isn’t really the time or place to get drawn into the age old argument about whether or not it’s fake (it is) or how it’s a soap opera for men (I don’t understand how that’s supposed to be a good thing) or the logically baffling retort that nobody accuses actors of being fake so why does wrestling get all the bad press? Truth is that I watched when I was a kid but stopped really abruptly when I found MMA and realised what it actually looks like when a 200 pound bloke punches another 200 pound bloke in the face. What is less surprising is that almost all wrestler’s forays into acting have been risible at best; Hulk Hogan’s many horrible attempts to break into Hollywood (Suburban Commando being a particular low-light, if those are a thing, which included a cameo from the Undertaker) or Rowdy Roddy Piper in They Live for example or basically any of the new WWE era's many straight-to-DVD shitshows. Even an ageing Macho Man Randy Savage didn’t seem particularly convincing in Sam Raimi’s Spiderman and he was playing a wrestler. Go figure.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson on the other hand, might not be a classical actor and is fairly likely never to win an Oscar, even though as previously discussed an Oscar doesn’t mean jack shit (https://angerinamansuit.blogspot.com/2017/03/oscarred-for-life.html) but he’s actually pretty good at what he does, which appears to be stepping into the literally and figuratively sizeable shoes of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Aside from being the second time in his career The Rock has been welcomed to the jungle (did they forget they’d already welcomed him once? Maybe by then it was too late to take back the complimentary gift basket so they just had to run with it, leading to some awkward glances and probably a long talk jungle marketing department) Jumanji 2 was actually pretty enjoyable. I don’t think I’ve met anyone who didn’t like the original Jumanji when it first came out, but that was just over 20 years ago and we’re all a little older, maybe wiser, probably tubbier and definitely more cynical. It’s a pretty decent family action movie though and broke some ground in terms of FX and CGI in movies so respect is definitely due.

I will admit to scoffing a touch at first; Jumanji 2 (2manji? No? Whatever, jog on) drags itself kicking, screaming and drumming into the digital age fairly briskly, even if it is a touch on the cheesy side. We also get a thankfully brief introduction to the main players who are, of course, thunderously stereotypical; missing kid and his tortured Dad from the intro sequence notwithstanding, we have a Jewish nerd, African American Quarterback, a pretty but vacuous it-girl, and a ginger social outcast. At least the last one is fairly accurate, we gingers should not really be allowed to mix freely with the general populace; it’s unnerving for all concerned. Anyway, they quickly find themselves in detention together, randomly find the Jumanji Home Console Game Of The Year Edition (with season pass) languishing in the basement for some reason and true to form, get sucked into the game. Of course there’s a twist though; nerd-boy becomes Dwayne “I Didn’t Know They Made Human Beings that Big Except For That Guy Who Plays The Mountain” Johnson, Jock-boy becomes the comparatively minuscule Kevin Hart, ginger-girl becomes Amy “Gamora with a nice wig” Pond and socialite-girl becomes Jack Black. Oh Christ I forgot Jack Black was in this thing. I hate Jack Black; his whole bit is to just waggle his index fingers at you while shouting maniacally. Ugh. And people have the audacity to compare me to him; makes me savage. Ahem.

Once my eyes had finished rolling and I’d reminded myself this is meant to be a family movie, you know what? It’s actually pretty good fun.

They get quite a lot of mileage out of casting the avatars out of type and they all seem to be having massive amounts of fun with it, which really helps. Even Jack Black isn’t completely  unbearable, even if he spends the entire time putting on his best Mean Girls voice and making jokes about how weird having a dick is. It’s quite well done though and it doesn’t get old too quickly; jokes abound surrounding the size of The Rock’s arms, Kevin hart explodes when he eats cake apparently, Amy Pond is really good at being awful at flirting and Jack Black barely waggles his fingers at all. Even a mid-point appearance by a Jonas Brother (which one it was I’m not entirely sure, but then if I bumped into one in the street I’d be none-the-wiser) doesn’t dampen anyone’s spirits. There are a few nods to the original, and the video game vibe is nicely done. I wouldn’t have been surprised to see a tie-in actually, maybe someone missed a trick. Typically for a family movie, everyone learns a valuable lesson about themselves and each other and it’s all rather heart-warming when the missing kid gets to grow up after all, names his kid after the it girl who learned about self-sacrifice and looks a lot like Tom Hanks’ little brother in the same old-school Metallica t-shirt he wore in the intro, just in case you hadn’t worked out who he was. Well I assume it’s heart-warming; we gingers being soulless of course, it’s difficult to tell. It seems like it ought to be.

It wasn’t really on my schedule in terms of must-watch movies, but sometimes those random jaunts into the unknown don’t pan out so badly after all. It’s a worthy successor to the original and once it got going it had some genuinely fun moments. The real kicker is that between this and the latest instalment of a massive franchise that will for now remain largely nameless, it was Jumanji that I actually got more enjoyment out of; more of that in a couple of weeks when the frenzy has died down and I can safely talk about what I thought without the possibility of being lynched for spoilers.