There is a special place in Hell reserved for people who deliberately spoil movies. Fortunately, I have a circle of friends who are either clued up enough or far too lazy to post ruinous status updates on big releases but sadly the rest of the populous is seldom that savvy which is why I try to limit my exposure to the general public as much as humanly possible without turning into Alan Moore. I feel bad for those people who accidentally spoil something just through their youthful exuberance, because being passionate is a good thing, even if being thoughtful and measured is better in most cases. I have no sympathy for people who deliberately post massive spoilers all over social media just because they think being a dickhead is cool. Spoiler alert: it's not.
So why, you may ask, are we beginning this week's post with a waffle on spoilers? Well Travellers, simply put I have to talk about Avengers: Infinity War and I can't see a way of doing that without some sort of spoilers. If you've not seen it yet, I strongly urge you to go and do so. In fact what better day than today, a scorching hot May Bank Holiday, to go sit in an air conditioned room full of variously sweaty Other People? You could even buy an ice cream, and my pancreas envies you that. I know I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than my entirely not air conditioned office typing feverishly, away from the progressively drunk and probably shirtless masses that have nothing better to do than lounge about killing their livers. Judgemental? Me? Never.
Infinity War then, assuming you haven't immediately downed tools and rushed to the nearest mulitplex, (thanks for hanging around) has been 10 years in the making. The dedication to the long game at Marvel Studios is absolutely to be applauded. I don't think anyone would deny there have been a few mis-steps along the way, but even Thor pulled it back in spectacular fashion with Ragnarok. Although I doubt they had exactly this in mind when they started work on Iron Man way back when, but it's important to remember that there is a plan and that they haven't steered us wrong yet. I managed to avoid any spoilers at all going in to Infinity War and that is absolutely the only way to do it because as much as I loved it as a movie, it also left me emotionally wrecked for at least 48 hours after the credits rolled. I'd hate to deprive anyone of that.
I was initially a bit concerned at the sheer scope of what they were attempting to do. Infinity War brings together so many characters with their own stand-alone success that there was a fairly high possibility that things were going to be way overcooked and messy. I should have had more faith, because the script keeps everything rattling on at such a pace that never once did I wonder where a character was or what was happening and nearly three hours flew by. Not only that, but they managed to be incredibly consistent with the tone; the Guardians of the Galaxy and Ironman series both have almost polar opposite approaches, but the blend is seamless and watching an increasingly fraught Tony Stark trying to deal with Star Lord and Spiderman at once is constantly entertaining. It's an astounding feat, managing to keep a story about the imminent destruction of half the known universe from spiralling into grim and depressing (The DC Effect) but manage it Marvel has.
It's only when you take a step back from the action that you realise the real triumph of Infinity War is that it isn't actually about the heroes. With James Cameron himself recently making a public appeal for Avengers fatigue to set in (the irony of that statement from a man still actively trying to bring four more Avatar sequels into being, that literally about 3 people want to watch is cringe-inducing) Marvel have continued to be savvy and make Superhero movies that aren't really Superhero movies. Thanos is the centre of everything here; the whole plot is really about his quest to restore balance to the universe. Just like Killmonger from Black Panther (until now MCU's best bad guy) Thanos seems to have a point; he truly believes that if half the population of the universe suddenly vanished, the other half would be living more prosperous and plentiful lives. Obviously the methodology is pure evil, but he is a villain so consumed by the concept that his destiny and quest is just and true that he almost becomes the protagonist. He genuinely mourns sacrificing the only thing he loves and even though he's the most terrifying and powerful villain in the MCU to date, you almost find yourself rooting for him. Almost.
Last chance saloon folks. If you're still here and you don't know how this ends, seriously get out now while you still can.
I'm still struggling with just how brutal the end of this movie was. Not Pan's Labyrinth 'bottle to the face' brutal or 'the entirety of The Raid' brutal but 'Jesus, dear God why do I have all these feels' brutal. I had some theories going in; I thought Cap might not make the end credits, simply because of the fact Steve Rogers was offed a long time back in the comic timeline. I was not prepared in the least for what happened though. I'm still coming to terms with just how many heroes they were prepared to let go. My therapist says I should write them all letters to let them know how I feel, but some wounds run too deep. If you can put yourself in Tony Stark's shoes and have those last words spoken to you without something stirring inside then you're dead inside and have no business here. Begone, demon. It's interesting that the remaining Avengers are predominantly the original ones and I really don't think that's a coincidence.
There is only one thing saving me from curling up in the fetal position and burning all my Marvel DVDs. You can question everybody's motives and actions as much as you like: Star Lord losing his shit at exactly the wrong moment, Dr. Strange capitulating, Thor's axe-based targeting issues. You have to remember that there is a plan. Cynically you could look at Marvel's upcoming slate of movies: Captain Marvel aside, Guardians 3 and Black Panther 2 have both been greenlit already for release after Infinity War 2 but even within the realms of the MCU, Dr. Strange saw a win/loss ratio of 1:14,000,000. Let's hope the one we're watching is the one.
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